Do You Stay the Course or is it Time to Leave This Path?
How do you know if you should still stay the course or leave the path?
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I’m feeling frustrated.
That frustration is directly impacting what I’m doing. But more than that, it’s also taking a toll on my self-image, self-worth, and other thoughts and emotions.
Of course, it all comes down to money.
Like many people, I have a love/hate relationship with money. I love having it and hate being a slave to it. The constant discomfort based on how much or how little there is in our bank accounts tends to be a key factor in my overall wellness and wellbeing.
This, of course, ties into the path I have chosen for my life.
Over the years, I’ve held a lot of different conventional jobs. The majority have been service or admin-related. They include tech support, customer service, benefits administration, retail and retail management, IT support, marketing assistant, paralegal, office manager, admin assistant, and a few other odds and ends over a wide range of fields.
A common thread I discovered is that corporate America and I tend not to get along, working 9–5 or most 8-hour-a-day shifts winds up with a lot of empty, wasted time, and I tend to work at a pace that’s utterly non-standard.
Just writing the above is problematic and feeds into my frustration. Why? Because I feel guilt and shame.
Guilt, shame, and what you choose (or not)
Guilt has been an unfortunately large element of my life. And a great deal of it ties into my frustration and overall self-worth issues.
For most of my life, I have not measured up in the eyes of certain people close to me. I didn’t become a doctor, lawyer, or other high-paying professional. Then, just to add insult to injury, I didn’t get married until my early 40s, and my wife and I will not have children. Thus — less than.
There has been a large amount of judgment from there. That has led to a lot of self-judgment, too.
On top of that, I feel guilt due to a combination of my privilege, that I can make many of the choices that I’ve made…
