Once again, we return to this unhappy place.
As my wife and I look at our budget and consider our holiday gift-buy power for friends and loved ones, it is all too apparent that it’s non-existent.
This falls on me.
I work. However, my work is writing. I do a LOT of writing. I average around 1700 words of nonfiction a day and 2500 words of fiction a day.
My word counts are outstanding. However — the pay that comes of them is little to nothing. This is a problem.
For a long time now, I have been striving to pay the bills via my writing. Yet unless I am being paid to write for someone else — the money earned is negligible.
If you pay a visit to Amazon.com and my author page there, you will see I have 11 books for sale. There are 2 sci-fi, 2 fantasy, 1 humorous narrative, 1 steampunk, 4 self-help/inspirational/life lessons, and 1 Paulo Coelho-esque fiction. Also, there are 2 anthologies I have a short story in.
That is a lot of books. And 1 more is coming in December. BUT — for all of that, I am not earning a living salary.
I have an ambitious plan to put out 6 books in 2021. But that won’t put money in my pocket for holiday shopping.
I have several irons in different fires — but apart from sparks, there are no flames. So — I need to find another way.
There are always options
I have said before that I can always choose something I might not wish to do under normal circumstances.
That said — I have applied for a gig that will be VERY different from anything I have ever done before. It is part-time, would have an added benefit of weight-loss potential and exercise, as well as decent pay.
Maybe this is a terrible idea. But I won’t know until I try. And I need to try.
FYI — this is not the half-ass try of “Try not. Do or do not.” This is try — as in knowingly putting out an effort with an unknown result.
Would I like one of my other options to catch fire? Hell yes. It would be great to get paid to do the kind of thing I like to do. The work that is most up my alley and that resonates with who I am. Writing, editing, web content, and so on.
Selling more books would be outstanding, too. However — even if my sales skyrocket tomorrow — it takes 60 days for that to show up in my bank account.
I believe that just working on the forward momentum and telling the Universe that — yes, I am open to something different — might get the wheels turning.
As Newton’s First Law of Motion tells us:
“An object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion.”
When the wheels get turning you never know what other gears start to move. When the machinery gets going many things shake loose.
This is the way. Maybe
Every time I have found myself in this position — or one similar — I found a way. An option always presents itself to make and earn money. This time is no different.
Making myself open and available to something I wouldn’t necessarily seek out is a signal to the Universe. This object is not at rest — but the motion has been too infinitesimal. That changes now.
Yes, this is uncomfortable. I dislike feeling as if I am behind, failing at accomplishing what I should be, and letting my wife down. I know all of these are MY feelings and not the “truth” per se. But that’s how it goes.
There are always options. I can and I will figure something out here. Consciousness creates reality. I have come a long way working with this. There is more I can do — but I can also alter my focus and approach to get how and where I desire for it all to be.
A moment of clarity
Does this look like whining to you? It feels like whining to me.
Overall, my life is good. My wife and I have a good home, there is food on the table, and really — money for the holidays is totally a first-world problem.
I know that the current world situation is insane. The nation is in flux as the whiner-in-chief is throwing a temper tantrum over his impending loss of the election; children are still in virtual or hybrid school situations; and COVID-19 is totally out of control. Me getting upset because the budget is tight, frankly, is petty and silly.
This entire essay has been borne of fighting the belief in this society that one must meet certain expectations. I work. But because of the lack of steady pay, it’s harder to quantify.
What’s more, I have some guilt about the disparity in what I bring into my household and what my wife earns. Sometimes it feels like I just can and should do more than I do.
Yeah, this is totally whining. However, it is part of my process. I am all about mindfulness and conscious reality creation. A lot goes into this — and there are both good days and bad days.
Further, sometimes it does feel like even with all I do it is insufficient. So, I get a bit lost in my own head and need to say something about it. Or write something about it.
So, here it is. I know I can and will find my way. This is that moment where clarity is lacking, and I need to accept that. But I know what I need to do from here.
I apologize if this abrupt ending is disconcerting. Thank you for taking this weird trek to the inside my mind with me.
Thank you for reading. I am MJ Blehart. I write about mindfulness, conscious reality creation, positivity, and similar life lessons.
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