Finding Support Within and Without

Everyone has people who support them, but the answers lie within.

Image for post
Image for post
Photo by Josh Boot on Unsplash

Depending on the situation, most people have someone whom they can turn to. This can take any number of forms, including phone calls, in-person conversations, text messages, and even books and blogs and such.

Sometimes you will find the support you need in the impersonal. This is because, when all is said and done, everything is an inside job.

The only person inside your head is YOU. Nobody thinks your thoughts, feels your feels, or acts upon them but you. And this can feel very, very lonely.

Let’s set the record straight. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Everybody has experience with this because everyone is alone inside their own head. Nobody but me is in my head, nobody but you is in your head. Even when you take in the ideas of other people, they only have access inside your head that you allow them. You are still the only resident.

As such, no matter where you turn for support, the answers lie within you. Nobody else is empowered nor even capable of making decisions for you. Even if you allow them to choose, you have still, when all is said and done, decided on doing just that.

Many people find the idea of being in charge of themselves and accountable to be frightening. This is something scary, and as such they tend to avoid it.

In truth, the fear about what will come from accountability is far greater than what will occur from being accountable.

Fear offers no support

A long time ago, when humans were hunter/gatherers, we faced threats from bigger predators. Fear helped us run away to avoid getting eaten. Then, it was a tangible matter.

As humans have evolved, so too has fear. Or, I would almost argue, it has devolved. Rather than fear tangibles, we fear untouchable intangibles. Things like success, abandonment, the anger of others, making mistakes, are all intangible fears. Yet these can totally keep you from action that might better your life.

Fear is designed to protect you. But fear of the intangible is not a supporter. This is instead a detriment and an obstacle to balance, harmony, and contentment in your life.

I know a lot of people who are afraid to look inside themselves. They will endlessly turn to outside resources to offer help and support, but fear looking inwards. Why? Because they are afraid of what they will find within.

What will that be? When I used to contend with this, I was afraid of a couple things inside. First, that I was going to have to be accountable for the majority of the mistakes I’ve made in my life. Second, that I would learn that I was a bad person, unworthy and undeserving of support, let alone the things I desire. Third, that I was weak and stupid and deluded about every belief I held.

When I finally looked within, what I found was much less scary than what I feared I would find.

Image for post
Image for post
Photo by MJ Blehart

What I found within may resemble what you will find within

In answer to the first, yes, I had to take accountability for many of my mistakes. However, this was not such a bad thing. It feels like it will be bad because we live in a society that loves to place blame. With blame comes shame and other negatives. Accountability, however, is different. There is no shame in being accountable, it actually opens you up to understanding and forgiveness. It’s amazing how frequently we need most to forgive ourselves.

Taking ownership of my mistakes turned out to be cathartic. It allowed me to learn from them, and recognize any I was repeating. Blame and accountability are very different indeed.

In answer to the second, I can see that I am worthy and deserving of both support and that which I desire. Good and bad are human constructs that mean less than intent. By intent, I am writing about acting in the best, most open and genuine manner — versus acting selfishly, in a closed, false manner. What’s more, I do not set out to hurt anyone.

Most of the beliefs in my head about being unworthy and undeserving are based on incorrect or outdated information. They also tend to come from what I think others expect of me. Sound familiar?

In answer to the third, I am not weak, deluded, or stupid. The second and third are linked together far more closely than I originally believed. As such, these things are mostly all fears based on false information.

I suspect that if you look within yourself, your discoveries will be much like mine. What you are afraid you may find is going to be not nearly as terrible as you fear. Acknowledging and working with this will help you to take any support ideas you receive from without and turn them inwards more effectively.

You can find support within and without

When you choose to seek support from others, whether people, books, blogs, or what-have-you, knowing that the answers ultimately lie inside you, you can make better use of what you receive.

The experience, ideas, notions, and advice you can find is even more powerful when it empowers you yourself. There is no shame in seeking out support, but its far easier to use when you have the inside knowledge of what you can do with it, and how it can empower you.

You are worthy and deserving of what you desire to have, to be, and to do. You are likely your harshest critic, but don’t let that stop you from making choices and decisions to better your life. Seek help and assistance from any sources you can, but don’t lose sight of the fact that the answers lie within.

Everyone has people who support them, and you are certainly not alone in that. Never fear asking from without, then looking within to find the best answers.

Written by

I am a practitioner of mindfulness, positivity, philosophy, & conscious reality creation. I love to inspire, open minds, & entertain. http://www.mjblehart.com

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store