How can I Be Better?
To be better, the first step is to define the most important question — better than what?
Better than whom is irrelevant. Why? Because the only person we ever need to be better than is our present self. Further, in truth, we cannot generally be better than anyone else. We are, in the grand make-up of the universe, all equal.
Yes, when it comes to certain athletic and academic competitions, there is a winner and a loser. But aside from these games, we are in competition with nobody. Being better should also generate positivity.
Unfortunately, one of the artifices of our fear-based society is a sense of competition that, truthfully, does not exist. We are told we have to compete for jobs, affections, homes, and various other material and immaterial things. From this false and unrealistic competition, we are led to believe that person ‘x’ is better than person ‘y’, who in turn is better than person ‘q’, and so on.
Self-improvement is only about the improvement of the self. That is the only reason to take actions to create change in this manner. If your approach to self-improvement is to be better than another person…you’re in the wrong place. Self-improvement to be better than who you already are is not an act of selfishness. But an attempt at self-improvement to be better than anyone else is the very definition of selfishness.
Recognizing this is an important step to answering the question — How can I be better? If the answer to better than what? is friend/lover/confidant/employee/listener/speaker/giver or anything else regarding the self, you can and will find an answer.
Steps to take to be better
This is not a quick-fix. Self-improvement involves time, effort, and much to my own chagrin, patience. Further, there is no One-True-Way to be better. However, through my own experience and trial and error, these are some broad, general answers I can provide to the question:
Be mindful. Consciousness creates reality. Ask yourself — What bar do I desire to get above to be better? When you can put a name to that, you need to ask — What am I doing? What am I thinking? How am I feeling? When you are aware of these things, you can move on to:
Take intentional actions. To be a better friend/lover/confidant/employee/listener/speaker/giver and so on, you need to act intentionally. Action with intent and purpose will allow you to be better.
Dismiss doubt. One of the biggest obstacles I have encountered in any attempt to be better is doubt. I don’t think I am worthy or I can’t do this or I’m incapable or even How dare I? tend to work their way through my psyche. These can be off-putting, depressing, even enraging. To dismiss the doubts, I work on using affirmations, meditation, and reminders that I am worthy and deserving of self-improvement…I CAN be better.
Be better now. This is super-important. When you are working on being better than you perceive yourself to be, who you have been and who you will be, past and future, are irrelevant. Remember — time is an illusion, the now is the only time that is real. As such, we need to be better right now. See the improvement you are making as made. You’ve done it, and you have succeeded. Seeing it in the now will help manifest it.
Self-improvement is seldom easy. But with the right desire and intent, we can be better.
Finding positivity is not hard, but it does require action.
Knowing that the only person we can be better than is ourselves, we can work with all the option available to us for self-improvement. When we work to be better than we are for our own improvement, we can create a more desirable reality, within which, ultimately, we empower ourselves. When we feel empowered, we become more aware and mindful, and tend to spread that feeling to others around us. As such, we can build more positive feelings.
We can use the positive feelings this generates to dissolve negative feelings. When we eradicate negative feelings, we open up space to let in more positive feelings, and that is something we can be grateful for.
Gratitude leads to happiness. Happiness is the ultimate positive attitude. An attitude of gratitude is a positive attitude that begets even more good energies, and that is always worthwhile.
It is my hope these messages might help spread positive energies for everyone. Feel free to spread the positivity.
Originally published at titaniumdon.com on January 21, 2019.