I am a huge proponent of positivity. That should come as no surprise.
However, I also believe that you cannot just live on positivity. Bad things occur, shit happens, and you cannot just avoid, deny, or neglect that.
The notion of toxic positivity is to deny and ignore the negative. Gloss it over, pretend it is not there. But that’s not realistic in any way.
Life is a paradox. Yin and yang. You will always have a little of this and a little of that in your life. Sometimes there will be a lot of this, that, or the other thing.
Too vague? I cannot be more specific nor direct here because how I experience life is not going to be the same as how you experience it.
Positivity raises your frequency, which in turn allows you to draw more good things to yourself. Negativity lowers your frequency, which in turn allows you to draw more bad things to yourself. You can and will experience both.
Bad things can, will, and do happen. Many, even most of them, are likely totally outside of your control.
What you can control and what you can’t
You have control over yourself. Externally, that’s your appearance — how you dress, how you cut your hair, apply makeup, do your nails, and so on. Internally, it’s all about practicing mindfulness — awareness of your thoughts, feelings, and actions. That awareness helps you to influence and control them.
That’s it. Those are all the things over which you have control.
Short list? Not really. When it comes to you what else is there? It’s your mind, body, and spirit. That’s really your everything.
Is that realistic? As Einstein said,
“Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.”
What that means is that reality is how you perceive it to be. If you believe the world is an awful place full of doom and gloom, that’s what you experience. On the other hand, if you believe that the world is an amazing place full of potential and possibility, that’s what you experience.
All that is within your control is you. But that covers a really wide swath of territory.
What can’t you control?
Mostly other people. You can’t make anyone else drive better, bathe more frequently, practice social distancing, choose science over speculation, or anything else that people do.
While you can control where you live, you can’t control the weather, other people in your environment, the feelings people have and express, or any other outside factor. You can live wherever you desire but you can’t choose who else is there or how it will be every single day because that’s not something in your control.
The importance of positivity
Currently, a lot of people are having a tough time being isolated due to social distancing. Many are down and depressed because of layoffs, job losses, and the constant stream of negative news and information across all forms of media.
The level of uncertainty is formidable because nobody has ever lived in a time where things were so completely messed up — and also fraught with uncertainty.
When will we be able to return to holding social gatherings? How will the world look on the other side of this situation?
Speculation runs the full gamut from uber-positive to super-negative. It’s hard to know where to turn, and both extremes involve a lot more change than most people are equipped to cope with.
Hence why finding positivity is so important. When you have something positive to turn to it will raise your frequency. That can be the equivalent of pulling an airplane out of a nosedive — and equally as lifesaving.
Toxic positivity denies the negative, avoids it, neglects it, and tries hard not to see it or in any way acknowledge it.
That’s just not realistic because it’s not possible.
In short — shit happens. You lose jobs, get broken up with, experience car accidents, break bones, lose friends and loved ones, and other bad things happen outside of your control. You can and will feel bad when they do.
But you CAN decide if they will overcome and overpower you — or if you will choose to release them.
How is there a choice?
I would bet that you know somebody that had something bad happen to them at some time. It may have been pretty damned awful. Possibly it changes their life drastically.
It does not matter what the bad thing was. It happened. Yet the person has decided that they are living their entire life DEFINED by that bad, terrible, negative thing that happened.
How long it takes to recover from bad things varies from person to person. Yet when something takes you down and you choose to stay down — well, you chose that, didn’t you?
What if you could choose another way to empower yourself and feel better?
THAT is the positivity I am always writing about. The kind where you are making strides to release and leave behind whatever badness has occurred. It tends to be difficult, is seldom easy — but it beats wallowing in self-pity, depression, misery, and all other negativity it produces.
It is a choice. You get to decide what that choice will be. No, you are not expected to ignore and deny negative things that happen. But seeking, finding, and/or creating positivity can help you choose how to go forward.
Positivity recognizes that there are ALWAYS choices. While toxic positivity denies negativity, real positivity is the knowledge that the decision to not dwell, live in, and be mired in that negativity belongs to you and is ultimately empowering.
Be strong, kick-ass, take names, and see that your choices using positivity are tremendous.
Finding and/or creating positivity isn’t hard, but it does require action
Knowing the difference between positivity and toxic positivity, you can see that it’s a choice you can make use of to help influence and/or control your mind, body, and soul. Acting upon positivity to combat and overcome negativity is a decision you can make that ultimately empowers you.
When you feel empowered, your mindfulness increases, you become more aware overall, and that can spread to people around you. It can create a feedback loop of awareness and positivity.
As such, you can build more positive feelings and discover more reasons to feel positivity and gratitude. That can be the impetus to improve numerous aspects of your life for the better, generating yet more positivity and gratitude.
An attitude of gratitude is an attitude of immense positivity that can generate even more good energies — and that, like you, is always worthwhile.
You are worthy and deserving of using your mindfulness to find and/or create the reality in which you desire to live. When all is said and done you and I matter, as does how we make use of positivity.
Originally published at http://titaniumdon.com on April 13, 2020.