I Don’t Hate Myself, But Some Days I Don’t Like Myself
Kindness, compassion, and empathy are necessary for ourselves, too.
Today I got really upset. Angry, mostly. At myself.
Why? Because I’ve put on a bunch of weight, I have a bizarre nerve pinch in my left hand that’s causing recurrent pain depending on my grip, I’m a bit flustered trying to decide on a new editor for my book series, I feel like I’m letting people in my life down, I’m failing to live up to my potential, work as hard as I should be, and other stuff both in and out of my control.
I went for a walk to get some sun and try to work through the negativity. That led to new problems. My pants wouldn’t sit right because of my gut, I couldn’t adjust them because of the nerve pinch, my knee started to protest, and I got upset. How had this come to pass? How had I gotten to this point?
This spiraled to a crash, and I was just driven to tears, devastated by my inability to process. It’s been a long time since I’ve been hit with such a deep sense of negativity. But more than that, such a degree of self-loathing. Not hatred, but definite dislike.
In this state, it’s easy to sink into a deeper depression. However, I know that doing so will just make everything more challenging.
