As I took my morning walk today, I was talking to myself. I do that sometimes. The topic? Why do I keep repeating the same things over and over and over again?
After many looping questions to myself, I came up with an answer. I am comfortable with this because it’s familiar.
Here’s the thing — just because it’s full of comfort and familiarity — that doesn’t mean I like it. Or even desire for it to stay this way.
Yet subconsciously — I do. There is no other explanation here. If I didn’t feel a degree of comfort and familiarity in my life — why would I stay here?
My here and now
Here, as I define it, includes a whole bunch of negative mindsets and ideas about myself that I keep “working on.” Again, and again, and again — the same shit, different day.
Looking back on my old journals — I see some good and positive changes. Overall, I am a far more optimistic and positive person than I’ve ever been before. For the most part, I’m happy with my life as it is.
But there are things I desire to change. And those things never change.
What does that mean? It means that I am constantly facing the same challenges again and again. Because of this, I keep empowering them — and consciously recreating them.
I know this. Frequently, I write it, say it, explain it. Yet still — I don’t think I truly believe it.
Consciousness creates reality. I know this from experience.
So long as I keep focusing on needing to change these things — they always need to be changed.
Thus, my here and now remains in this ongoing limbo. And it involves the same bullshit time and again.
· Lose weight
· Make more money
· Prove you’re really a writer
I know full-well that focusing on the specific matters in the way that I do is keeping them in limbo.