What If You say “F*@k It” and Release Something You’re Holding In?
Sometimes release is necessary to clear your mind, heart, and soul.
I have a lot of things going on in my head right now that are negatively impacting my life. They are making me feel small, disempowered, irked, flustered, and other sometimes conflicting adjectives I could apply.
I strive to act regularly so that I don’t wind up holding back and holding things in. I learned a long time ago that holding stuff in leads to a lot of different unpleasantness. That makes me cranky, irritable, introspective, and negative.
For someone who seeks to be optimistic — and generally is — I have a wide pessimistic streak. I used to refer to myself as a cynical optimist (though really, it’s more skepticism than cynicism). It’s my desire to be optimistic — but I also see that the reality of the situation at hand sometimes makes that challenging.
I’ve used journaling, meditation, and other distractions to release things I hold in. That can be extremely helpful and positive.
But sometimes that’s not enough. Why? I think maybe because it feels like I am still partially holding it too close to myself. Sure, it gets out of my head — but did I really release it?
Maybe I need to find a new therapist? That’s possible. It’s been years since I was in therapy — and it always did me good.
I could talk to friends — but presently, all of them have a lot of shit going on in their own lives. Certainly, some would be willing to listen to me. Perhaps — but I presently don’t feel right about that.
So maybe I need to just put it out here in public.
F*@k it — Brain-dump incoming
Some of you reading this might see yourself in the following vague matters currently occupying my brain. That may — or may not — be true. But I am NOT blaming anyone for how I feel.
Let’s face it — feelings that we have are valid for us. And even when nobody did anything intent on hurting us — feeling hurt still happens. It is NOT invalid to feel how we feel.