Why Does Getting Over Feeling Hurt Take So Long?

Even unintentional hurt that we are made feel tends to linger.

Murray "MJ" Blehart
6 min readAug 17, 2022

Photo by Yeyo Salas on Unsplash

Someone that I care a great deal about hurt me.

Let me be clear about several facts in this matter. First — I know it was not their intent to cause me hurt. They were in their own odd headspace, and it made them less receptive to the impact their actions had.

Second — Given our history, this should not have come as the surprise that it did. Yet it caught me off guard, and though I half expected it to happen — the hurt I felt was greater and more unpleasant than anticipated.

Third — and most importantly — I am responsible for how I feel. Look, I know they did not intentionally — or with malice of forethought — hurt me. Hell, I half expect they don’t even realize how hurt I feel. But that’s not the point of this. The point is that this is how I feel, and I must be responsible for it.

This can be a really bitter pill to swallow. And there are numerous reasons why. Probably the most important is validity.

My feelings in this are completely and totally valid. That I feel hurt is valid. They did something that hit me emotionally hard and caused me to feel hurt. This is a completely valid feeling.

But how long I hold onto it and let it nag at me and dig its claws into me, is entirely up to me.

This is why I ask the question — why does getting over feeling hurt take so long?

Let’s start with the most important fact of this matter.

Taking control of how we feel is a choice

All kinds of things happen in our lives that make us feel one way or another. Many are sudden and unplanned.

Elation comes from a promotion at work, validation of feelings when your crush reciprocates, winning a contest, finishing a project, and so on.

Likewise, upset comes from losing a job, a relationship ending, the death of a loved one, car accidents, and so on.

Not all feelings are the product of outside influences and happenings. But enough are that we need to consider how they affect us. The impact is just as variable…

Murray "MJ" Blehart

I explore mindfulness, positivity, philosophy, & conscious reality creation. I love to help & inspire. And I also write sci-fi/fantasy. http://www.mjblehart.com