Every day, I offer different ideas, insights, pieces of advice, and the like.
I write extensive explanations of conscious reality creation, mindfulness, positivity, and other life lessons. Then I share them both because I have a desire to explore them further, and because I believe that you could benefit from that exploration.
No matter what I share, the ideas I present, or anything else of that nature — you alone know what is right for you. Or if you don’t know, you alone can learn what that might be.
One of the biggest issues that come from the self-help world are the ideas of a One Size Fits All, One True Way, Quick-Fix Solution — and the like. All these gurus, best-selling authors, lecturers, teachers, and experts are selling something that will work for some — but not all.
This is because, in truth, nothing works for everybody.
I can’t tell you what to be, how to be, or what to do. Sure, I can share my own beings and doings, but I am not inside your head to work on yours.
And that’s one of the things I think a lot of self-helpery ignores. That every headspace is unique.
The only one in your head is you
There is only one singular person inside of your head. That is YOU.
A lot of the self-help notions neglect that no two headspaces are alike. This is due to several reasons.
How everyone thinks is different. The process of thought and getting from point a to point b is extremely variable. Also, some people are linear while others are more cyclical. So there’s that.
Feelings are incredibly variable. The names may be the same, but the how of the feeling is different for everyone. Anger, for example — for some it’s hot, others it’s cold, and some even get both depending on how angry they are and over what. Love — for some it’s a fluttering like butterflies in their stomach, others feel like a hand is clutching at their chest, and some just become inexplicably giddy. Ergo — the how of feeling is incredibly variable.
That’s because you are unique. And the only person inside of your head. Perception of reality as you experience it is different than how I experience it. And I can explain my experience until I am gasping for breath — and it could remain incomprehensible to you.
Tangible steps in the process
Many of the self-help leaders try to get themselves inside your head — but neglect that they can’t be there for you. So, in my opinion, they give you portions of the way to do a given thing — but neglect how it could work differently for you than them or anyone else.
Take The Secret, for example. The idea of the Law of Attraction, as presented there, is to apply ask, believe, then receive. Ask the Universe for ‘X,’ believe that it’s already yours, and turn it loose to the Universe to be received and made manifest.
The general idea is sound — but it lacks key steps. To ask for something, you need to really THINK it out. If you don’t give it much thought — and you try to create it out of nothing at all — it’s not that simple. The thought behind it must be solid.
Then it requires feeling — belief alone is not sufficient. You have to really FEEL what the manifestation of the thing you are after will be like. And not feel it “down the road” or “at some point,” but right now.
As to receive — this misses an important step. There needs to be intentional action of some sort to drive you to conscious reality creation and manifestation. It need not be a tangible action — but action IS required.
Action can include writing down that which you’d desire to manifest, signing up for a class, hitting send on an email, or putting on shoes and going for a walk.
Yes, you can use consciousness to create nearly any reality you can think of — but it takes more work to be made manifest. Thought, feeling, and action are YOU at your core when all is said and done.
You do you
There is NO One Size Fits All, One True Way, Quick-Fix Solution — and the like.
The ideas out there can be super-useful. They can offer insight and influence that you might not otherwise come across.
But the only one who knows what you need, want, and desire is YOU. But acting on it can be utterly terrifying.
Why? Because if you desire to do, be, or have anything outside of “the norm” you are suspect. People will look upon you as being off, potentially delusional, not quite right — and possibly in need of professional help.
I have made multiple attempts at taking conventional paths in life. As such, I have worked in 9–5 jobs, attempted conventional intimate relationships, and tried things like golf and watching professional sports to be “ normal.”
But that’s not who I am.
My biggest issue with this was that, for the longest time, I knew more about what I DID NOT want or desire than what I DID. That made it easy to see what to avoid — but hard to find where to go, and what to do or be.
Even with that, I tried conventional approaches. My first attempt to start my own business was so broad that it went nowhere fast.
Today, I still sometimes feel that way about my writing. Some people buy my books — but not even close to the numbers I need to make a career of it. Many people read these articles — again, not the necessary number to pay the bills. The how of increasing readership and sales eludes me — but I continue to work on it because this is how I do me.
How I do me is not going to be how you do you. And that’s something I wish more people would be okay with.
Be mindful of judgment
Celebrity gossip is, in many respects, the ultimate proof of how judgmental our society can be. Perhaps they are “stars” of one stripe or another — but that doesn’t make them more or less human than you and me.
Yet they get scrutinized, critiqued, analyzed, and judged about any number of deeply personal matters like clothing, relationships, what they drive, where they live, and so on. They are judged for it all.
That carries over to regular people like you and me. We get judged by people intentionally and unintentionally all the time.
And, to be fair, we likely do plenty of our own judging along the way, too
Our culture is a very judgmental one. But you and I have a choice. We can be more mindful and less judgy of everyone else.
While it won’t necessarily help other people to be less judgmental, it will allow you to be clearer about what you desire when you do you. Also, when you act to be less judgmental of others you may additionally be less judgmental of yourself.
I know that I am my own worst critic. I judge me more harshly than anyone else does.
But knowing that, I work on being more mindful. When I am conscious in the now of my thoughts, feelings, and actions, I am better able to choose them or to decide to alter them.
You are similarly empowered. I can’t tell you what to be, how to be, or what to do — but I can offer ideas to help you know how to do you.
How do you do you?
Know that you are worthy and deserving of using mindfulness to find and/or create the reality in which you desire to live. When all is said and done our thoughts, feelings, and actions matter, as does why and how you do you.
Originally published at http://titaniumdon.com on August 19, 2020.