There have been three different goals I have pursued over the years for the life I have desired to lead. They have changed in part as I have gotten older, and in part, because I determined that they are no longer what I desire.
In college, I had two things I most desired to do. The first was that I wanted to direct plays and run my own theatre company. There was this grandiose idea I had for building my own company, marketing it for its unique properties versus TV and movies, and maybe getting to act from time to time, too.
The second was that I wanted to be a professional DJ. I loved doing radio at my local college station, and I did multiple shifts per week and a variety of programs as such. On top of that, senior year I was Production Manager, which meant I recorded 2/3 of the station’s PSAs, drops, and various other announcements.
I also really wanted to do voice work, recording audiobooks, being a cartoon character, or voicing commercials and so on.
Writing was the initial skill I recognized and pursued, and I started writing fiction at age 9 with the completion of my first sci-fi book. That would lead to more works along the way, culminating in my getting published in an anthology of pirates and magic. This, in turn, inspired me to self-publish my fantasy series I had begun in the late 1990s.
I also began to blog on my own website regularly, then discovered Medium.com.
About six months ago I lost my job and decided that this was my chance to consciously create my reality for real.
The real work begins
Hence, instead of writing to my blog twice a week and blogging on my other website once a week, I began to create two articles a day on Medium. More topics, more writing, and the experience is, I believe, strengthening my skill.
I also completed the work on a new inspirational/self-help novel, which I published in print, digital, and an audiobook. Maybe, I surmised, this would allow me to offer my voice for other people’s audiobooks, too.
I did a few auditions and then was contacted about recording a book. After a lot of back and forth, and then a couple of weeks of no communication, I have received my first offer.
Despite a VERY tight deadline, I have taken it on and begun recording. It shouldn’t take more than a day or so, given the size of the text.
That would be fantastic. Then I met reality.
Despite assertion from my contact to the contrary, I very much doubt the original text was written in English. There is a lot of jargon thrown around for the type of book that this is, and a ton of sentences with incomplete conclusions, and in at least two or three instances obviously poor translation. At least, that’s what I am seeing.
That, or the author doesn’t speak or write in English as their native language. I cannot believe that they might just be that poor a writer. Also possible, but doubtful.
Decide to decide
So I am faced with a choice. Drop the project or continue to the best of my ability?
This, I believe, is a test. As imperfect and possibly ludicrous and crazy as this recording may be, it gets another project under my belt. That could open the door to getting more projects, and starting the other path I have long desired to take.
While I lost my interest in professional theatre and the idea of starting my own theatre company about twenty years ago, and I lost interest in becoming a professional DJ, I never lost interest in doing voiceover work.
About 15 years ago or so, I attended a voiceover class with a director/producer/voice artist in NYC. It was a great opportunity — but he disliked my voice and my talents. This was discouraging…and I gave up on the idea.
Though recording my fiction on my own is still daunting, as there are a LOT of characters and potential voices to be done, recording my non-fiction is not an issue. As if a matter of serendipity, I started podcasting a year ago.
I have the equipment and know-how…so it is time to take this path, too.
I am sticking with this decision because it may be imperfect, and it may be a test…but it can lead me to receive the abundance the Universe has to offer.
Following my bliss
Despite the battles I have with self-doubt, self-esteem, and other largely irrational fears, I know that I am worthy and deserving of creating and living the best life that I can. I can be the best me that I can be, and receive the abundance that I desire.
It’s not easy, but I have frequently said that nothing worth having is ever easy. I will not avoid the tests, nor run from the trials I may encounter because I believe that this is who I am supposed to be.
The Universe is abundant, not lacking or riddled with scarcity. Consciousness creates reality, and even though there will be tests of my faith in that along the way, I know I matter, and that this is something worth working for.
You are worthy and deserving of using your mindfulness to find and/or create the reality in which you desire to live. When all is said and done you matter, and you can also receive the abundance the Universe has to offer.