How Do I Learn Not to Take These Things Personally?

I’ve spent a lot of time working with the question of not taking things personally.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Do you know what one of the hardest lessons I’ve had in the past two years has been? Not taking some specific things personally.

Such as? How many reads my blog posts get and how many books I sell.

Both my blog posts and my books are products. They have been lovingly crafted by me and shared with the world.

When people don’t click on and read my posts on Medium — or buy my books — that’s not a reflection on who I am.

Except that it sure as hell feels like one.

It’s challenging to look at the sales numbers and read levels and not think, “Wow…I guess they don’t like me and what I have to say. Maybe I suck and that’s what they are trying to tell me but not reading posts of buying books? Am I unworthy and undeserving?”

The truth is — these things have nothing to do with me when all is said and done.

Why do we take things personally?

Short answer — because we are human beings.

Long answer — most people put themselves at least a little bit into the things we do. Sometimes a little and sometimes a lot. Rejection of product that we create can feel like a rejection of us.

So, you take it personally when someone says they are not a fan of your work. Or they ignore your work. Or they reject your work.

It sure as hell feels like they are not a fan of you as such.

Have you ever spent a great deal of time on a project? You put your heart and soul into it, and gave it your all? Maybe it was a school project. And then, someone judged it to be lacking? Perhaps it was missing a key piece of info. Or maybe it was simply not written in a style the person reading it was into?

I don’t know about you — but when that has happened to me, I felt like it wasn’t my project they criticized — it was me. Because I put my heart and soul into the work it felt like I WAS the work.

That is why we take things personally. Because we put pieces of ourselves into…